Hello everyone :)
I haven't posted in a while, life has been busy and hectic, and most of the time I am quite tired - too tired to sit in front of my laptop after a long day at work to write a blog post.
However, today I have been inspired. It's a new month, and pretty soon, things are going to change quite a lot. At the end of the month I will be moving into a place of my very own, which scares me quite a bit, but it will be amazing for my confidence and I can start being super confident again, something I have missed quite a lot. Also, today I said goodbye to my best friend Paris, who is leaving Cardiff to work in London. I realise that London isn't that far away, but to not have her just up the road anymore is going to take some serious time to adjust to.
I'm not going to go into too much detail but the thought of moving, people leaving and working so much has made my brain feel like jelly the last couple of months - it's time to take control, get some PMA back into my system and fight those negative demons into thin air!
It sometimes takes reacting in certain ways, people telling you what you've done wrong, things physically happening to you to finally realise you need to make a change.
Even though I'm feeling quite sad today, my brain is telling me to think positively about all the things I'm thinking. Even though Paris is moving away, I keep thinking how lucky I am to have her and to have not lost her in the almost five years we've known each other. Distant won't mean anything to our friendship - so it will all be ok :)
The fact that I will be moving in to a place of my own, as daunting as it is to me, will be a very good change for me. My own space, my own place to relax, switch off, rules of my own, no stresses and quite frankly, a chance to get my independence back. It will be so much better for me.
Work is work - I have a dream, and I will get there. Work is just there to allow me to live. My beautiful Mumma Birkett is always in my head, every day saying 'You work to live, not live to work'. Until I get to my dream, that will be the case, and as much as it drains me, that's ok.
At the end of the day, funnily enough, like my doctor and my boyfriend has said to me this week, the first step to making it better is realising there's a problem. It can only get better from there if you deal with the issues at hand.
Nothing I can't handle! :)
I really want to start blogging more throughout the rest of this year. I don't have a proper desk space at the moment, just my dressing table, so it's difficult to motivate myself. When I move, that's one of my main focuses - a space to work on my course & work on being more creative.
After writing this, I feel SO much better - so now it's time to have some healthy lunch, stick on an episode of the O.C *Seth Cohen - swoon!* and then crack on with a lot of Geography work.
Negativity gets your nowhere, so I'm going to start to train my brain away from that!
...easier said than done I know, but you can't run away from it.
Have a wonderful day everyone, whatever you're doing :)
elfums x
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